Disclaimer: I prefer cooking to eating processed foods, but every once in a while, I’m in a hurry.

I’ve been saving up these products to tell you about and I need to be quick. Sleep-sleep is calling my name after too many nights in a row with only 4-5 hours worth. So we take a mini-break tonight from Veganizing Martha’s Muffin – Dessert Week. We’ll continue back tomorrow.

Purely Decadent Made with Coconut Milk

Turtle Mountain Purely Decadent made with Coconut Milk:
Know what befuddles me? How can you release a new product and not update your website at the same time? I guess if you’re Turtle Mountain you can get away with that. The first two products I’d like to review come from them, yet I can’t find any info about these products on their website. Huh.

If you’ve read any other posts on my blog, you know I’m a fan of Turtle Mountain’s Purely Decadent made with Coconut Milk ice-cream products. They’re creamy and satisfying, in fact, you’d have a hard time putting some of the flavors second to their dairy counterparts. Maybe this flavor isn’t so new, but it’s definitely new to me. I’ve never seen it in my own grocery store until earlier this week.

Introducing Cherry Amaretto. Pinkish in color with big chunks of cherry and creamy tasting ice-cream with an amaretto flavor that’s powerful enough to remind you of your partying days when you’d drink amaretto sours like you’d drink anything, but not so overwhelming to remind you of those nasty amaretto hangovers. Oh boy, I’m not giving this thing enough credit. It’s really, really tasty and delicious. Once again, Turtle Mountain makes one I can count on!

On the flip-side Turtle Mountain, I have a bone to pick with you. Why in the world would you make me pee my pants with excitement over Coconut Milk Creamer only to let me down so hard when I actually used the stuff? I mean, what a great idea! Coconut Milk Creamer! Sadly, it was like adding bright, white-colored, tasteless liquid to my coffee. Oh, it looked rich and creamy, but tasted like there was nothing there. I actually had to pour out my coffee. It was that disappointing! There isn’t any fat in the creamer! How can that be? It’s COCONUT MILK! It’s CREAMER! Add some taste to it, and I’ll give it another shot. Okay? Please?

Veggie Crab Cakes Taste Crabby

Taste Above Veggie Crab Cakes:
You know the routine. You start talking about your veganity and someone asks what you miss most about your lifestyle choice. In the food world, for me, it’s seafood. Hands down. It’s difficult to recreate the taste of seafood, and being from south Louisiana, seafood is such an important part of Cajun cooking.

La-de-da-de-da, I’m moseying through the grocery store, and hark! What is that calling my name? Why it’s VEGAN crab cakes. Shut the eff up! I buy and the minute I get home, I try. First bite, shock! They do really taste crabby!

The fake meat is seitan that somehow replicates the stringy texture of crab meat. And the flavor is fairly close to spot-on. Probably as close as you’d ever get without actually putting crab meat in there. The most noticeable spice is dill, which definitely imparts part of the crab taste, but it’s more than that and so is my love for this new processed find. I love ‘em. Sue me.

Ch-eitan Noodle Casserole

So using the chicken-style seitan cutlets from the last post, paired with Martha’s Béchamel sauce, we have a nice, down-home casserole to keep you warm on these getting-colder Fall nights. This is rich, so serve up with a salad so you get your veggies.

A couple of notes:

• I could not get my béchamel sauce to thicken with Martha’s suggested 1/4 cup flour. I doubled it. If you can make it work with 1/4 c., more power to you.
• The Béchamel Sauce recipe makes 4 cups. Seemed a bit much for the casserole, despite Martha’s call for the whole vat. I used about 2 1/2 cups worth.

Martha’s Ingredients for Tuna Noodle Casserole
Serves 6

coarse salt and ground pepper
10 oz. green beans, stem ends trimmed, cut into 1 1/2-inch lengths
1/2 lb. gemelli or other short pasta
Béchamel Sauce (see below)
2 cans (5 oz. each) solid white albacore tuna packed in water, drained
5 slices white sandwich bread, crusts removed, torn into large pieces
2 Tbsp. unsalted butter, melted

Scrumpdilly’s Veganized Ch-eitan Noodle Casserole
Adapted from Martha Stewart’s, Everyday Food, October 2009

10 oz. green beans, stem ends trimmed, cut into 1 1/2-inch lengths
1/2 lb. short pasta
2 1/2 c. Béchamel Sauce (see below)
salt and pepper
5-7 chicken-style seitan cutlets, cut into squares
5 slices bread, torn into large pieces
2 Tbsp. Earth Balance, melted

In a large saucepan of well-salted, boiling water, cook green beans until almost tender, about 5 minutes. Using a slotted spoon, transfer green beans to a colander and rinse with cold water, set aside. Return water in pan to a boil; add pasta and cook for about 3 minutes, short of al dente. Drain and rinse pasta.

Preheat oven to 350. In a 2 quart baking dish, combine pasta, green beans, and béchamel; season with salt and pepper. Gently fold in seitan pieces.

In a food processor, pulse bread until coarse crumbs form. Transfer to a bowl and stir in Earth Balance. Top casserole with breadcrumbs and bake until sauce is bubbling and breadcrumbs are golden brown, 25-30 minutes.

Scrumpdilly’s Veganized Béchamel Sauce
Adapted from Martha Stewart’s Everyday Food, October 2009
Makes 4 cups

3 Tbsp. Earth Balance
1/4 c. finely chopped onion
1/2 c. flour
4 c. unsweetened almond milk

In medium saucepan, melt Earth Balance over medium heat. Add onion and cook until softened, about 4 minutes. Add flour. Cook stirring frequently, until mixture is pale golden, has a slightly nutty aroma, and is the texture of cooked oatmeal, about 3-4 minutes.

Whisking constantly, pour in 2 cups almond milk, whisk, then add remaining almond milk, whisk until smooth. Cook mixture, stirring constantly along the bottom of pan, until boiling, about 7 minutes. Reduce heat to low. Simmer gently, stirring occasionally, until sauce thickens and does not feel grainy when a very small amount is rubbed between two fingers, about 10 minutes.

Dinner is served

Chicken-style Seitan Cutlets (Ch-eitan)

Thank goodness I printed this recipe out looong ago. The original comes from Joanna, who lost all of her recipes recently, and I think this is one of them that disappeared into the ether. I’m posting it now, because before, I just had a link to Joanna’s site. Without it there, I fear these slices of wonderful will be lost forever.

Turns out this is my absolute favorite quick seitan recipe! I use it for many, many dishes: chikin ‘n’ fauxsage gumbo, chikin marsala, breaded chikin ‘n’ gravy, stir-fry, salad topping, and on and on and on. I’ll be using these babies later today in a Martha Stewart Entree I’m veganizing. So if you want to follow along, this comes first.

Joanna Voight’s Chicken-style Seitan Cutlets (Ch-eitan)
1 Bouquet Garni (see below)
2 1/4 c. vital wheat gluten
1/2 c. flour or chickpea flour
1/4 c. nutritional yeast
1 Tbsp. onion powder
1 tsp. salt
pinch freshly ground black pepper
2 c. cold water
2 Tbsp. grapeseed or light olive oil
2 cloves garlic, minced

Prepare a Bouquet Garni with a couple bay leaves, a few sprigs of parsley, sage, thyme, oregano, and/or rosemary. Either tie together or put in tea bag or cheesecloth. Place in pot with about 2 quarts of cold water.

Combine vital wheat gluten, flour or chickpea flour, nutritional yeast, onion powder, salt, and black pepper in large bowl. In a large measuring cup, combine water, oil, and garlic. Pour wet ingredients into dry and mix well, then knead gently until seitan dough is uniform and homogenous.

Between two sheets of parchment paper (or use a Ziploc bag), roll out a golf ball sized piece of dough as thinly as possible. Once rolled thin, slip it into the cold broth and repeat with remaining dough.

Once all cutlets are in the pot, allow them to sit in the cold water for 10 minutes. Then, bring the water to a gentle boil, reduce to a low simmer, cover, and allow seitan to cook for an hour (the cutlets will float to the top).

Remove from heat and allow cutlets to cool in water for about 30 minutes. Transfer to a container with the broth and refrigerate until ready to use. Although safe to eat raw, they’re much better seasoned and cooked in your favorite recipes.

Fake chicken cutlets get sliced up for "Chicken" and Celery Stir-fry

Ever since I made 64 fake chicken cutlets for a gumbo I was going to sell at an event I help organize, I’ve been completely obsessed with the fake. chicken. cutlet. Obsessed! I’ve been trying to plan my evenings and weekends so that I can make more.

Here’s the low-down on the Fake Chicken Cutlet:

Find the recipe here.
Each batch makes around 20-24 cutlets.
You can use the Zip bag dough-rolling technique; that’s what I did.
You can store them in the fridge for a good while.
I bet you can freeze them for longer storage.
The broth makes a delicious base for a stir-fry white sauce (see above pic).
The recipe is easy and painless.
Thank you Joanna from Yellow Rose Recipes for changing my life!

Thanksgiving Plate

One o’clock = Cornbread made in an iron skillet
Three o’clock = 1/2 sweet potato the way I like ‘em. Plain.
Six o’clock = Green beans & cremini mushrooms in wine and garlic*
Eight o’clock = Red-skinned mashed potatoes** with Diner Gravy (the original way)
Ten o’clock = Seitan Roast with Diner Gravy
In-the-middle = Oven-roasted brussel sprouts and garlic*
Not pictured = cranberry sauce and apple pie

*Thanks Vegan with a Vengeance
**My secret to the best mashed potatoes on the planet: a touch of white pepper (1/2 tsp maybe).

G. G. Stir-fry

I seem to cook what I crave, and I seem to crave two main food categories: Southern and Asian. I know I started this blog to help me deviate from the same ol’, same ol’, but I couldn’t help myself. I had a c(r)aving*.

Last night I made a basic Asian stir-fry with cremini mushrooms, baby broccoli, and sliced seitan. You can make your stir-fry with whatever mixture of vegetables and meat analogs you’d like, but my recommendation is to stick with three or four ingredients, each of a different color. Limiting yourself to three or four not only makes prep easier, but it also prevents flavor mush. You want each ingredient to add, not take away, from the stir-fry you’re making.

Here is my recipe for a basic, delicious brown sauce. It has a lot of garlic and ginger, so KristinAthena nicknamed it G.G. stir-fry.

G.G. Stir-fry Sauce

1 cup vegetable broth
1/8 cup soy sauce
2 Tbsp. arrowroot powder or cornstarch
1 packed Tbsp. ginger, peeled and minced or grated
1 Tbsp. (2-4 cloves) garlic, pressed
Red pepper flakes**
Crushed black pepper**

Combine all ingredients in glass measuring cup. Stir before pouring over cooked stir-fry ingredients. Bring to boil, reduce heat, stir occasionally. Ready to serve when thick.

**If you want, instead of mixing the red pepper flakes and crushed black pepper in the sauce, add it to your stir-fry ingredients while they cook and turn brightly colored.

*One of my favorite geographers, Allan Pred, used to write the most beautiful articles/books using words marked with parentheses like that. His work was like poetry.

Seitan & Sauerkraut Sandwich

Honestly, I just don’t know what I’d do if I were allergic to gluten. There was a time when I thought I couldn’t live without chocolate. But I swear I could do that before I could live without my precious wheat meat. Nope, not kidding. I always have a little space in the fridge for my favo meat analog. Always.

I prefer to make my own, as time consuming as it can be even with the quick mix, but sometimes I just don’t get around to it. So I like to have a little package of store-bought stashed away in the fridge at all times. Because, just like Ally Sheedy said in The Breakfast Club, “You never know when you might need to jam.”

I needed to jam this past week when our fridge started to go on the fritz. As it’s warming up and up, we’re trying to use whatever is inside. Perfect. I’ll take some of this seitan, a little sauerkraut, some German mustard and make myself a variation on the ol’ “corned-beef” sandwich (the one that isn’t Reuben).

All I did was slice the seitan, throw it in a pan heated with olive oil, and cook until browned on both sides. Just as the seitan was starting to really stick to the pan and make it crusty, I threw in the ‘kraut with some of its juice, then scraped the bottom of the pan to loosen all that yummy, crusted on seitan. Threw it on toasted bread with the German mustard, then went out and bought a new refrigerator.

Thank you.